Journal #2: Managing Communication Apprehension

 I cannot say I was surprised when I took the PRCA-24 and was awarded a 108 out of 120 on the scale. Never in my life have I been fond of delivering speeches and presentations, and, if anything, my anxiety regarding this process has only grown as I have grown older. I can say this with certainly because I have the long-term memory of an elephant and vividly remember multiple instances in elementary and middle school where communicating proved difficult. In 3rd grade, I stumbled over the numeric value of how many miles the planet Venus was from Earth. In 5th grade, I forgot the pronunciation for the word "poverty" and felt like such a fool that I skipped over it during my presentation. In 6th grade, my legs were shaking so much as I gave my book report that a classmate afterwards announced that I had been "jiggling like Jell-O." In my sophomore year of high school, a classmate and I worked on a joint presentation, and all the while I was anxiously gripping my arm, leaving deep nail marks that took two or three periods to fade. Suffice to say, I have always had both internal and external symptoms of communication apprehension all my life, and they are very apparent.

Having noticed these symptoms for so long, I have made plans to reduce their effects, though with few successes. I recall that whenever I had a speaking test in Spanish class, I would offer to go as early as possible before my anxiety could kick in and leave me so stunned that studying was an impossibility. I have attempted to practice speeches to my pets or record them and analyze the recording to make tweaks for the final draft (which, more often than not, left me squirming at how clearly anxious I sounded). Through the sum of these experiences, I have learned that what I fear most about presentations is the audience, and that shines through in my body language. Presenting is an amalgamation of remembering your speech, maintaining proper posture, and addressing the audience. I can remember what it is that I want to say, but I cannot convey it physically and instead have a tendency to fidget or scrunch into a little ball as I refuse to make eye contact with one single person. By focusing so intently on my words, I forget to keep my audience engaged by working on aspects such as how my voice sounds.

In order to combat this issue, I believe my most effective plan of attack would be to take more mental preparations such as deep breathing and practicing in front of others while also trying to pay attention to how I present myself physically. When practicing, I am going to practice in front of other human beings, not just my dogs, and give them a questionnaire to fill out regarding my posture, how engaging my speech was, and so on. Hopefully, constructive criticism will aid in my improvement. I have also heard that rehearsing in a mirror is helpful for people who want to pay close attention to their body language, so solo practice in front of a mirror can also prove beneficial.